The Side of Katie You Never Knew Existed

Monday, September 22, 2003

 
Piece of trash!!!! Ok, I am not even sure I want to put this on the internet for the world to read but I need a place to vent so here I go....Ok, I am worrying about something right now and it literally is haunting me....I so want to do the right thing but I am having a hard time putting my foot down....Oh geez, I am such a pushover.....especially when it comes to this. I need some prayer so I not onluy make the right choice but that I have the strength to follow through. Besides that everything else is good, work is still going well, school is pretty good but I am defintely lacking sleep today which makes school seem like not such a great thing:) I seriously wanted to curl up on the floor at work today, I tried to drink espresso and wake up but it didn't even help. Ok, so the newest man in my life is my little kitty named Paris. He is such a sweet cat, all he wants to do is cuddle with me. It is great to come home and have him waiting for me. Also I found out another girl who I work with is moving into my apartment complex which is cool because then we can hang out. Ok, I have to answer the stupid annoying phone now, it is ringing off the hook so I gotta run......Later.....
Katie 4:29 PM

Friday, September 05, 2003

 
Reeeeeeeaaaallllllyyyyy long time since I last posted but my life has been crazy busy during the past month or so. I am officially an Arizonian and I am loving every minute. I love my apartment, my school, my jobs, the weather, and my new friends. My apartment is defintely nice to come home to, it is my "Morroccan" hideaway and I really like having a place to myself. My campus at ASU west is amazing, nothing like going to school amid fountains and palm trees. I like all my classes and my teachers so I really lucked out. I took over my mom's job working at Mimi's Cafe ( a really great restaurant) which I absolutely love....the people are so much fun to work with....I have lots of work buddies and a few I would like to be more then buddies:) I also work at a company called Epic International where I deal with conferences for large coporations. I do reservations, etc but I also get to travel so it is mixing business with the travel industry. It is alot of fun too. And of course, I am still baby-sitting some. I b-sit for a particularly cute little boy named Nathaniel who is already extremely close to my heart. The weather is definitely a perk out here..I know it is freakin' hot sometimes but there is nothing like an 80 degree night:) I am making friends both at school and at work so that is a big relief for me...I wasn't necessarily worried but since I am kinda short on spare time I wasn't sure how that was going to go. It is also wonderful to be close to my family. I get to meet my mom for dinner, take Jenna shopping, and hang out with Colin. Also Josh came home from the Air Force a week ago and surprised us all so he is here for a while which is wonderful:) I really missed him alot. Anyways, that is my deal, seriously I am really, really happy....although I do miss you all back at Trinity and of course I miss my dear roomie. It is weird not to be able to see my Stell and Punk but soon you will be here to see me:) Peace out yo....
Katie 6:58 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2003

 
So Punk, here is a new post so you and my blog will feel better:) It is now 4 days till I move and I am feeling very mixed up. Excited, crazy, stressed, sad, confused, and kinda like my head is going to explode. This week has been hard, saying goodbye and starting again. Trying to understand and breaking down inside, I have a feeling this is going to be an emotional roller coaster. I feel pulled in so many different directions and while I want to be true to what I feel, sometimes it hurts too much so I just push it away. I feel like there is a huge wall of tears and anguish just waiting to be released but I know that if I start I will never stop so I choose to ignore that ache inside and pretend it isn't there. It is just easier that way, probably not emotionally healthy but heck, I am going to be messed up regardless. Anyways, enough of my ramblings. All I know is that I am leaving in 4 days and I am going to miss you all so much. Like you said Punk, what am I going to do without you? How will I survive without my Stell? Moving forward is just a little too hard....maybe I could just bring you all with me?
Katie 1:31 PM

Thursday, June 26, 2003

 
I have often wondered just what exactly the point of life is. I know all the right answers to that question but it doesn't stop me from wondering deep down inside. Sometimes I think that it isn't woth it, sometimes I think it is just too complicated, too painful, too messy. No one could ever know what goes on inside of me, I am not sure I even know. Somewhere inside is a place that is filled with all the stuff I can't or won't deal with. Is that ok? I know it is there but can't seem to reach it. Once in awhile something triggers a release and a small fraction comes to the surface but for the most part I am empty of what I used to be. What fills me instead is the knowledge that nothing I do will ever stop this downhill spiral. I get sucked into it not by my own will but by those who pull me down with them. Try as I might to resist, the pull is out of my control and I am sent to a place where I never wanted to go. Perhaps I could leave it all behind....just go somewhere new where no one knows me and I can pretend to be free...but still even then deep down inside, my reality would still be there, holding on, always haunting me. I try and try but it never works. So here I am still ignoring what is always there and trying to pretend like I don't care, that nothing hurts, that I am fine. And I will go, wherever it takes me because I have to. I can see no other way.
Katie 4:50 PM

Thursday, June 19, 2003

 
Guess who let a tattoo man punch a hole through her stomach??? Yep, that's me..I let them pierce my belly button..thanks roomie for chickening out...now I have to endure the pain that is beauty all by myself:) Just kidding, it doesn't hurt that bad...the pain is worth it when I look down and see a little jewel sparkling...I really like it. Anyways, I am baby-sitting right now and I have determined that I am looking forward to moving if only to escape from this particular child. He is a disaster and I am soooo glad that I do not have to deal with him for much longer. I think I am a fairly patient individual but this kid knows how to push every button and makes me want to scream at him and then run out the door never to return. Who would've guessed a 2 year old could be my worst nightmare? ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH! Ok, enough about that. I had a great time this past weekend with my roomie and her family. We had so much fun even though we were in a very little town. We shopped, ate, saw a movie, and of course I pierced my belly button. It was nice just hanging out with Jess and her fam. I bonded with her bird, and her turtle...fun times. Alright, I gotta get to back to my crazy child. Later.....
Katie 9:25 PM

Sunday, June 08, 2003

 
Well, it has been freakin' forever since I wrote in this thing, actually a whole month has passed. School's out for the summer, life is crazy busy as usual, and I am enjoying every moment of it. I rarely have time to get on the computer let alone update my blog regularly so here is a quick update of what has transpired over the past month. Ok, first thing Travis and I stopped dating after like 4 days ( very short term relationship) which was a good thing because we both realized..or at least I did....that we are definitely not headed in the same directions. I enjoy my independence more than I realized and trying to mix a guy into that is not going to work for right now. On top of that, my heart has always been a little bit torn between moving forward and staying true to a past flame and lets just say I am not sure the past has completely past:) Yep, so that didn't last long but at least I know now a little bit more of what I am looking for and what I am not looking for. Anyways, I have been baby-sitting a zillion hours a week but actually very much enjoying it because I can take the kids to fun places not that it is summer. I am also very much enjoying all the social time with my friends, so far there have been some very fun times. Zack and Bre's wedding was great, we danced the night away and I think it was one of my best college memories yet. There were some really hot guys there...good times, good times:) I am really looking forward to Adam and Ann' s wedding so we can repeat it again. Anyways, besides that I have just been hanging out with Stell, Punk, Chip, and a bunch of other interchanging people which has been a blast. I intend to make my last summer here in Chi town as memorable as possible so I hope the good times continue. Peace out!
Katie 3:16 PM

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

 
I would have to say this week so far has flown by. So much has happened and all in such a short period of time. I have always thought of myself as the type of girl who see's things coming but this is one I did not predict. For those of you who don't know (which I am sure all of you do by know) Travis and I started dating on Sunday. Everyone was pretty much in shock but I don't think anyone was more surprised than me. Just a short time ago I was pretty sure I was going to swear off guys forever but instead, God blessed me with somthing else. I never doubt God's timing and feel very special that that He plans just for me. Leaving Him in control always takes the pressure off of me and that is the way I like it because then I don't have to be crazy all the time. Yep, so I am happy:)

School is coming to a close and with it some endings and a few new beginnings. This is my last semester at Trinity and it is pretty much finished which leaves me both happy and sad at the same time. Trinity is where I spent 2 years of my life and learned alot, not necessarily academically:) but definitely emotionally and spiritually. The summer is looming and with it comes a lot of unknowns. All I know is that for now, I am happy and I can rest knowing God's timing and providence will always come through for me.
Katie 5:15 PM